


Of All These Things

by monkiainen



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Companionable Snark, Eggnog, Gen, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Snarky Snape, Teacher Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-22
Updated: 2015-04-22
Packaged: 2018-03-25 06:43:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3800695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monkiainen/pseuds/monkiainen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A very unlikely friendship forms when two people find their mutual love for snarking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of All These Things

**Author's Note:**

> For the prompt _Severus and Harry can't imagine how they could ever be friends, until they finally realize what they have in common -- a love of snarking on other people behind their backs._ for the 2015 severus_fest

If there was one person Severus Snape never thought to have as a friend, it was Harry Potter. The kid was way too much like his father: cocky, arrogant, never once admitting he could be wrong. And yet he had Lily’s eyes.

After the war everyone was surprised when Harry returned to Hogwarts as a Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher – one would have thought that a celebrated war hero would want to spend the rest of his life living in a luxury, enjoying the fruits of his labour. No-one was more surprised than Severus, but then again, it made sense: to Harry, Hogwarts was as much a home as it were to him.

Severus can’t quite pinpoint the moment when things started to change. Now that all his secrets were out and Harry knew of all his sacrifices _(and of his never-ending love for Lily)_ he had no need to treat the young man as harshly as he had done over the years. Their relationship was not something one would describe as “friendly”, but at least they were civil in each other’s company. That is, until they found out they had much more in common they had previously thought.

* * * 

“What an useless shrivelfig! I’d rather drink the Drink of Despair than deal with her one more time” Harry groaned, slumping into a comfortable armchair in the staffroom. The armchair in question happened to be side by side to the armchair currently occupied by Severus.

“Did your _lovely girlfriend_ Miss Weasley write something unpleasant again? I’ve heard she has made quite a career in **Spella Weekly** ”, Severus drawled. Truthfully, he couldn’t care less about the alleged love life of Harry Potter. Apparently the subscriptions of **Rumours!** had risen 300% since they started writing about Potter. Those blasted crups had the nerve of writing to him and asking him how to _”brew the First Love Beguiling Bubbles so they could win over Harry Potter’s heart.”_ Pfft. Dealing with Goblin Liaison Office was more fun than that. As if he would waste his considerable talent for something so _mundane_.

Harry groaned again, slumping even lower in his armchair. How was this his life to begin with?

“First of, Ginny is **not** my girlfriend. She has never forgiven me for telling her to live her own life when I was busy searching Horcruxes and, you know, defeating Voldemort. That woman can really hold a grudge if she wants to – listening to her rants is about as joyful as listening to a band of bagpipes. Second, I wasn’t talking about Ginny in the first place. It’s the bloody Fleur Delac…. sorry, _Weasley_ again. Ever since I briefly met her in the Quidditch World Cup Final, she has been pestering me about privately tutoring Victoire and she has trouble for understanding that “No” means “No”. Bill is a Curse-Breaker for Merlin’s sake, he has probably taught Victoire everything she needs to know about Dark Arts!” Harry exclaimed.

“I take it you are not very fond of Mrs William Weasley, then?” Severus inquired. Ah. Victoire Weasley had the very unfortunate destiny of having Fleur Delacour as her mother. The girl did possess some talent in Potions as she had been the only one in her class to produce a _passable_ dose of Dragon Dung Fertilizer. If only she would stop bringing those blasted exploding cauldrons his uncle produced to his classroom.

Harry snorted. “That’s the understatement of the year. Having a cerebrumous spattergroit is probably more fun than trying to be reasonable with her.”

Severus merely nodded, returning to his article. He really wasn’t in the mood for a chitchat, even though it had been oddly pleasant to sneer at other people with someone for a change. Soon, Severus was so deeply engrossed into the recent study of using tarantulas as a part of bouncing spider juice he didn’t even notice Harry to stand up and leave.

* * * 

Severus rubbed his temples, groaning. There were days when he questioned his own mental health, or the lack of it, to remain in Hogwarts even after the blasted war. He could have done so much more, and yet he kept on returning to the one place that was certainly going to drive him crazy one of these days. Well, not Hogwarts itself, but the annoying students who couldn’t tell the difference between chocolate frogs and normal ones.

And not only that, but he had been forced to confiscate several pairs of Extendable Ears this day alone! The rumour was that Celestine Warbeck herself was going to perform on Rolanda Hooch’s 110th birthday, and the whole castle was dying to see the famous singer. Of course, Rolanda’s birthday celebrations were meant for the sixth and seventh years only, along with the other teachers, but that didn’t stop the brats for trying to sneak in.

A knock on his door was not a welcomed surprise. He didn’t want to deal with any of students today! To Severus’s surprise, Harry was standing behind his door, with a bewitched teapot and two mugs in hand.

“Please tell me you are about as fed up with the whole Celestine thing as I am. It’s all everyone is talking about in the staffroom, and all I wanted was to have a quiet moment with a mug of eggnog!” Harry exclaimed, looking about as distressed as Severus was feeling.

“Why in the name of manticore would I want to have eggnog with you, Potter?” Severus sighed, with no real heat behind his words. He must be going daft in his old days to even _consider_ the possibility that Harry might actually be tolerable company.

“Because I have just finished Orwell’s Animal Farm? And since you mentioned it the other day, I wondered if we could perhaps have an adult conversation over it?” Harry pleaded, looking at him wide-eyed. Damn it. Severus had never been able to resist Lily’s eyes, even if they were now mixed with the unruly black hair of James Potter.

“Oh fine, come on in before I change my mind. But if I hear you uttering anything resembling the words ‘Celestine Warbeck’ I will transform you into a gytrash” Severus threatened, letting Harry in. As long as the boy didn’t start talking about Montrose Magpies or Appleby Arrows, they were good to go.

_A few hours later…._

“And then Elphias Doge of all people had the nerve to tell **me** that Wiggenweld Potion is completed best by doing it in a self-stirring cauldron! That old fool knows as much about potions as Madam Malkin!” Severus slurred. Maybe they had added a bit too much Firewhiskey to their second batch of eggnog. Oh well, it didn’t matter, he had his own private supply of Hangover Potion stashed safely in his cabinet.

Harry giggled, finding Severus’s statement funny. He completely agreed with his opinion on Elphias – while the old wizard had always been kind to him, Harry had privately thought he was maybe going a bit soft in the head in his old days.

“I agree, he’s definitely losing it. That’s what you get for living over 120 years old”, Severus nodded.

“I said it aloud? Damn it, I didn’t think the Firewhiskey to be that strong” Harry remarked before yawning widely. He was so bloody tired… wonder if Severus would mind if he took a little nap in his armchair? Looking to his right, Harry realized that Severus had already fallen asleep, snoring lightly. Closing his eyes, Harry too was soon fast asleep.

And if from then on a young DADA teacher was a regular guest to the snarky Potions Master’s rooms, where they would snark together on various irritating people in their lives… well, stranger things have happened.


End file.
